To love an Angel
by Meteorain
Summary: Shinji cannot seem to get Rei out of his head. Why[ShinjixRei] Edited First chapter up.


To love an Angel

A/N: Right I've decided to make some changes to the story..since I've been giving some suggestions to better the story. There is an alternate ending, and I am going to put up a second chapter so that the characters are not OOC towards the end, taking into the consideration character development. I've tried to correct and grammatical and spelling errors. I hope you see the ending is more suitable. Thanks.

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Shinji sat silently listening to his SDAT player, as he stared out at the dimly lit sky through the rain stained windows of the balcony. He let his thoughts wander, not trying to focus on anything in particular. Yet he found his thoughts coming back to one subject

_Rei Ayanami_

Rei was no normal girl, just like Shinji was no normal boy. Like him, she was an EVA pilot, chosen to defend the planet. Yet Rei was even less normal than Shinji was. He found that Rei was lacking in one human quality.

_Emotion_

It was not as though she had no emotions rather she never showed them. Her voice light and beautiful, yet without emotion. She was almost like a doll. Dressed in clothing and did as she what told, feeling nothing in what she did. Yet she was like a light to a moth for Shinji. He felt compelled by her, drawn by her, but he did not know why. He stared at her many a time, her red eyes staring back was like a picture in his head. They were so beautiful but blank, though he could almost see something at times, sadness.

Why was she so emotionless? Why so doll-like? He had seen her once. Once where she smiled at him, as he rescued her from her Eva entry plug. He had asked her to smile, and she did. A most angelic smile. Not a fake smile, like a doll's, but a genuine smile. He could see the smile touch her eyes, lighting them up, yet she still held sadness within them. Those red eyes stared back, a picture in his mind. Why so sad?

"Hey Baka!" a shout came; disrupting his thoughts and bringing him back to reality.

"Are you going to make dinner you lazy pervert?" the voice asked.

Asuka. She too was an Eva pilot like him. A fiery redhead, with a tongue like a whip. She was so different from Rei. Where Rei was Ice, Asuka was Fire. Where Rei was calm, Asuka was a storm. Again his thoughts were interrupted by a knock to the head.

"Well? Answer me" Asuka told him, rapping her knuckles on the top of his head.

"Sorry Asuka" he mumbled, as he got up and made his way to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"Don't apologise. I asked for an answer, not an apology," she told him heatedly.

"Sorry…" he replied meekly.

"Argh. You cowardly worm. Don't apologise for everything, have some back-bone, be a man" she berated him, whilst he made dinner.

Shinji didn't answer. His thoughts had wandered back to Rei. Why her? Was he in love? The thought caught him off guard, as he scalded himself with a hot metal spoon. Running his hand under some cold water, his thoughts ran back to the time he went to give Rei her new identity card to NERV. It ended terribly, with him lying on top of her naked body. His hand pressing against her breast.

She must hate me for that he thought. He cannot love her; it was his hormones he told himself, yet somehow felt unconvincing.

"Dinner's read" he called from the kitchen, as he served three plates. Asuka came hungrily, plumping herself in the chair, eating greedily. Misato his guardian, then entered, taking her seat opposite Shinji who sat next to Asuka, as she opened a can of Yebisu. He ate silently, thinking about the blue-headed girl.

_Rei_

"Huh? What about Rei?" Misato asked, stirring him out of his thoughts.

"Err…nothing" he replied. Did he say her name out loud?

"Shinji…" Misato said slyly, "You've been thinking about Rei haven't you? I can understand, she's very attractive," Misato added.

"Yes…I…err…no," he stammered, trying to defend himself.

"This idiot will never have a girlfriend," Asuka said, staring at him.

"You know Shinji…Rei lives all alone, you could go visit her, and she might be lonely," Misato said still in that sly manner.

"I…no-" Shinji tried to protest, feelings his cheeks turn red.

Misato laughed fondly at his uncomfortably. Shinji was never good with other people, especially girls, and Misato loved to tease him, ever since she heard from Touji that he was ogling –to put in Touji's words- Rei when she was swimming.

"Shinji…" Misato began again, "You could ask Rei out on a date"

"N-No!" Shinji said, his cheeks going even redder.

"Ha! This Baka and Wondergirl? That's a good one" Asuka exclaimed.

"Why? What's wrong with Shinji" Misato asked.

"All this Baka ever does is apologise, I can imagine eve for walking next to her, and Wondergirl's in her own little world to care too much" Asuka explained to Misato.

"No. I think they would make a cute couple," Misato said, smiling at Shinji.

Shinji needed to think. This was getting out of hand, and too embarrassing. Standing up quickly and taking his plate out to the sink, he rushed to his room, and stuck his earplugs in his ear.

_Rei…_

Sleep slowly overcame him, as the music washed over him, as Rei's red eyes stared at him, with a hidden sadness behind them.

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Rei sat on her bed, staring out the window at the night sky, as rain beat on the glass of the window. A certain feeling held her at the moment. A warm feeling. A tugging feeling at her heart. The source of this was a certain boy.

_Shinji Ikari_

She wondered at the feeling confused. She had never had these feelings before. What were they? What did Shinji feel her head, and make her feel warm? Why did he make her feel like this?

She remembered him. Remembered as he burst through her entry plug to saver her. His eyes brimming with tears at the site of her. He looked at her, and then asked her to smile. To smile. What was it to smile? She did not quite know. To smile? When someone made you feel happy. To be happy? Shinji made her feel happy. She had smiled for him.

To be happy? Was that what she felt? A contentment at seeing Shinji smile back at her? What was this? Love? She did not know love. She never felt love. Could she learn it? What Shinji made her feel when he looked at her? Her heartbeat rising. The warm feeling. The want to embrace him. Was that love?

The curtains of another window fluttered, as a small gust of wind swept through the window. She stood up and went to the window. Closing it, she could see the lights of the city. They reminded her of Shinji. A light inside of her thoughts. The like radiating in the darkness of her mind. A soothing beacon within her.

Walking back, she caught site of Commander Ikari's glasses. Commander Ikari…he too had saved her like Shinji had. Burning his hands like Shinji did, in order to save her. She saw him, as he burst into the entry plug, a concerned look on his face. Yet it was not like Shinji's. It was as thought he almost lost a pilot, not a person, not some one he cared for, unlike Shinji. Shinji's concern was genuine, as he looked at her with tears in his eyes. When he asked her to smile. Shinji was not like his father; he cared for her. Again the tug at her heart. What was this?

She slipped into her bed under the thin sheet. The room was cold, yet she did not feel it. A warm sensation enveloped her, as she fell asleep. An image of Shinji filling her mind.

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DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

Shinji's eyes opened awkwardly to the sound of his alarm. Throwing his arm out, he knocked the alarm clock down to stop it ringing. Tiredly getting out of his bed, he got up slowly and made his way to the bathroom. He leaned on the sink, and stared into the mirror. His reflection stared back at him with weary eyes. Running the cold water, he washed his face in it to wake him up.

Now that he was a bit more aware, he changed into his school clothes, as he prepared to make breakfast. No doubt Asuka would not fail to blast him with a few words if it were not ready by the time she got to the table.

Entering the small kitchen, he opened a small can on fish for Pen-Pen, as he began to make breakfast. Soon after he heard Asuka enter the small room where they ate.

"Hey Baka! Are you still sleeping? Where's my food?" she asked loudly.

"Eee…don't shout Asuka" came the groggy voice of Misato as the joined Asuka at the table.

A moment later Shinji served them their breakfast, as Misato opened a can of Yebisu and let out a great sigh of contentment. Misato style.

The three of them dug into their meals. Shinji and Asuka finished soon after, leaving a dishevelled Misato still at the table.

"Cya Misato-chan" Shinji called out as he made for the door with Asuka.

"Ciao. Be good you two. Oh! Shinji remember to ask Rei out" Misato replied, adding the last sentence slyly. That caused him to miss a step, and nearly falling over as he was barged out the door by Asuka.

A general silence hung as Shinji walked beside Asuka, his thoughts this time blank.

"So what's with you and Wondergirl?" Asuka asked him, breaking the silence.

"Err…nothing" he replied unsteadily.

"Don't give me that. I saw you last night. Going all red when talking about her" Asuka told him.

"I…err…no- hey look" Shinji tried to protest, but suddenly spotted Touji with Hikari and of course Kensuke.

"Your lucky Baka, there is someone more interesting to talk to. I haven't finished with you yet" and with that, she went ahead to meet Hikari.

"Ah! I see no hand print this time," Touji said as Shinji caught up to him and Kensuke.

"I think Shinji's luck is good today," Kensuke added to Touji's comment.

The rest of the walk to the classroom passed with idle banter. Entering the classroom, Shinji looked around to see who was there, and his eyes caught Rei staring out the window. He blushed slightly remembering his thoughts from last night.

The first lesson past slowly as the teacher rambled on. Shinji stole glances at Rei, who was just staring out the window.

A message popped up. Looking at his computer, he read the message.

"You're staring at her again. You gotta thing for her don't you?" the message from Touji read.

Reading the message, Shinji's heart skipped a beat, and he blushed slightly.

"No" he replied hastily.

"Just admit it. We've seen you. You're always staring at her," another message from Touji read.

Before he could reply, the bell rang for the next lesson. Sport was up next. The boys had basketball, and the girl's swimming. He knew he would be hearing a lot form Touji now.

Shinji sat next to his friend, as the other boys played basketball. He looked back to the girls swimming area. His eyes locked on Rei sitting on her own, staring nowhere. No. She was staring at him. His heat beat rose, beating madly. Why was she looking at him? Just then a felt a hand on his shoulder.

"She's beautiful isn't she? Ayanami's legs so slender. Ayanami's skin so soft and perfect. Ayanami's breast so-"

"S-Stop!" Shinji interrupted Kensuke, as he too stared at Rei.

"Oh Shinji. It's obvious. You have a thing for her. Why don't you ask her out?" Touji asked him.

"I…err…no she wouldn't agree…" Shinji replied flustered.

"Ah! So you admit it. You do have a thing for her" Touji bust out triumphantly.

"I…no…" Shinji tried to protest, but stopped and just let out a sigh. He was caught. But did Rei feel anything for him? If so, was it even a like for him His thoughts wandered back to that bad episode with her. How could she like him after that? He glanced back at her. She was looking at him. Why?

Rei sat alone at the poolside, looking down at the boy's. Looking at Shinji. She had seen him in the classroom, through the window's reflection, stealing glances at her.

She saw him now as well, looking at her. Why? Could he possibly feel what she felt? A thought of realisation came to her. She no longer thought of him as Ikari or pilot Ikari, but as Shinji. Why? Was she feeling emotion? She had never felt anything before. Maybe just pain when piloting the Eva at times. Even then she did not quite know what pain was.

She was confused. A state she was never in. Where could she get al her questions answered. Those question swirled around in the darkness of her thoughts. They were drawn to the light inside her. Shinji. He was that light. Her answers would come from him. He would tell her. She wanted to know what he felt for her. What the feeling she felt was.

Shinji changed out of his Sports kit, and back into uniform for the last lesson of the day. He made his way back to the classroom, with Touji and Kensuke. Taking up his seat as usual again, his thoughts were wrapped up again by Rei, as the droning of the teacher's voice was distant in his ears.

Why was she looking at him? Those red eyes looking into him, from the poolside. Why were his thoughts so wrapped up about Rei? He needed to clear his head. It was doing him no good, wondering about her. She didn't like him. He was just another Eva pilot to her.

Suddenly the bell rang hailing the end of school. He was surprised. He must have been so wrapped up in his thoughts. Standing up, he cleared his desk of his books. Getting ready to leave, he felt a presence behind him. Turning round to tell Touji that he had clean up duty today, he saw red eyes look at him.

"A-Ayanami? Y-Yes?" he asked nervously.

"Could I speak with you Ikari?" she asked him in clear simple tones.

"Err…I got to clean up d-duty t-today" he told her.

"Then will you see me after you finished in my apartment?" she asked him again in a plain voice.

"Err…s-sure," he told her his nervousness growing.

She nodded, and then left, leaving a much-confused Shinji. What could she want to ask him? Suddenly an elbow caught him in the ribs. Turning sideways, he saw Touji grinning at him.

"Seems your getting some action," he said winking at him.

"I…err…no…stop that Touji," he told his friend, who was now grinning like a maniac.

"Well anyway. I'll see you tomorrow then. Good luck with the cleaning" Touji told him, and then left the room.

Shinji just shook his head, as his friend left, and proceeded to the cupboard to take out a broom from the cupboard.

Shinji spent at least an hour cleaning up, as he wondered what Rei could possibly want to ask him. After finishing up, he tucked away the cleaning tools, and picked up his bag.

Outside, the rain was pouring. He told Rei he would meet her, and for some reason it was more inviting than going back to the apartment he shared with Asuka and Misato. Readying himself, he ran towards Rei's apartment.

As expected, he his clothes were soaking, as he found himself outside Rei's apartment. Trying to shake water out of his hair, he knocked on Rei's door. A short moment later, it was opened to reveal a blue-headed girl standing in the doorway, wearing a long shirt, that just came down to her legs. From what Shinji could see, she wasn't wearing anything else. Motioning for him to come in, Shinji entered, taking off his shoes. He followed Rei to her small Rei bedroom.

"Err…before you ask me anything…can I…err…have a towel to dry myself" he asked her a bit shakily.

She nodded, and left the room, to return soon with a towel in her hand.

"Err…thanks…can…err I use you bathroom to change?" he asked her nervous.

Once she showed him her bathroom, he made his way to the bathroom to change into spare clothes. He always carried a spare pair of clothing now. He never knew when he might need them. The last time, Asuka had thrown all her lunch at him, for what he did not know, and he was just wary from now on.

Changing out of his wet clothes, he put the dry one's on and entered the room, where Rei sat on her bed, staring out the window.

"Err…A-Ayanami…what did y-you want to a-ask me?" he asked her, standing to face her.

"What is it to be happy Shinji?" she asked him simply. Yet the question hit him with a full force. Firstly the question itself was so different from what he had expected, and secondly he had called her Shinji, not Ikari.

Recovering, he answered he best he could, "H-Happy? W-Well…err…it's when you feel good, when your senses feel good…err…when something makes you content when t happens" he tried to explain to her as best as he could.

She nodded slowly, still staring out the window. Her red eyes now turned to meet his. Their eyes locked, they looked just as he had remembered them in his head.

"What is to love?"

To love? The question hit him even harder than the last one. This was so unexpected from her. Why such questions. Yet the question itself was one he also wondered about.

"Love…err…well…it's…well" he tried to begin, "I-It's when…when I think of my mother, I f-feel warm inside. I feel good. A warm fills me, m-my heart feels content" he told her, not knowing quite how to describe it.

Shinji had not realised that Rei was now standing right in front of him. Now her face filled his vision. Her angelic face, so beautiful regarded him with red eyes.

The answer that Shinji had just given, explained everything that Rei had been looking for. The feeling. The tugging at her heart when she thought of Shinji. The warmth that spread over her, when the thought of him. She knew now.

"Can you learn to love?" she asked Shinji in a whisper.

He stared at her. Why was she asking such questions? And why him?

"Err…I-I don't know…you have to experience it to know…you..." he tried to answer her, but finding himself at a loss of words.

He looked at her. Her red eyes looking at him, looking into him. He felt like running away. For what? Because he couldn't be near another? Because he was scared where this was going? Did she love him? He knew he was thinking too highly of himself now, she cannot love him. Why would she? He was only another EVA pilot to her.

Rei considered Shinji. His answer. Experience it…was the warm feeling love? Or was the tugging that she felt at her heart love? He said it was when you feel warm inside; he said he loved his mother. A mother? She never had a mother…how could she know?

"Do…do you like me Shinji?" she asked him. She wanted to know. Wanted to know what it was to be liked, what it was to be loved.

Shinji looked at her, confusion settling in on him. Did he like her? Yes he did…he liked being around her, liked talking to her.

"Y-Yes I do like you" he answered her. Was that all he felt? Did he only like her? No, he felt more. I think I love her…not the way I do when I think of mom, but a similar feeling. Could he tell her? No…he wanted to run away again. He could hear his father's words now, looking down on him when he first came across the EVA, asking him if he would run away again. No he couldn't do it, he couldn't tell her what he wanted…he wanted to run away.

"R-Rei…it's getting late, I better get home" he told her. He was running away again…but he couldn't tell her. Why? Was it because he felt she might reject him? Yes…it was always the same. He was too afraid to tell her…too afraid of not being liked…he needed to think. He couldn't do it now…maybe later he tried to convince himself. Yes…later.

Rei looked at him. He was leaving? Why did she feel the tug again? Was it disappointment?

"Ok Shinji" she said, a feeling of loss entering her.

Why the sense of losing warmth? She like being near Shinji; he made her feel warm. She liked having him look at her. Why did her heart beat that little bit faster when he stole a glance at her?

She watched as Shinji made for the door. He was going. She felt a little colder.

"I-I hope I h-helped" he asked her, standing in the now open door. Putting his shoes on, he stepped out.

"Bye R-Rei" he said, and then left, a bit faster than he would have liked. He was running away. Running away again. He tried to tell himself not to run…but he couldn't. His body wouldn't listen. He was running away…

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A/N: Right please review the chapter edit, and I'll stick up the ending chapter up as soon as possible.


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